Physical attraction and fun times are great, but when it comes to building lasting relationship, shared values are the secret sauce. For those of us navigating the Black dating scene, finding someone who sees the world in a similar way can make the difference between a short fling and a lifelong relationship.
If you are a person of faith, for example, and your partner doesn’t value spirituality, there is likely to be friction down the road. Same goes for values like honesty, family commitment, or ambition. When both partners agree on these fundamental things, it creates a strong glue that holds the relationship together during tough times.
I have heard success stories from our community that highlight this point. In one case, a couple who met through a Black matchmaking service in Canada discovered they both deeply value community service. Even though they grew up in different countries, that shared passion became a cornerstone of their relationship. They volunteer together on weekends and feel proud of each other’s dedication. Shared values create a deep understanding. You don’t have to explain your every motivation because your partner just gets it. There is a sense of “we are in this together” that feels comforting and solid.
For Black singles seeking serious relationships or marriage, aligning values should be a top priority. It is something to talk about early on as you get to know someone. That does not mean firing off a checklist on the first date “What are your views on X, Y, Z?”, but pay attention to what they care about. Do their actions reflect principles that resonate with you? If kindness is a core value for you, see how they treat people around them. If you pride yourself on integrity, notice if they keep their word.
And remember, values are not just stated, they are lived. This is why it is also important to present yourself authentically. Show your values in how you live and even in your dating profile. For tips on conveying who you truly are, you might read The Art of Self-Presentation: Making Your Profile and Appearance Shine. When you live out your values, you naturally attract someone with the same ethos.
Sharing core values with a partner builds a strong foundation for relationship. It gives you a common language and purpose. So, as you engage in Black dating, keep an eye out for those deeper compatibility markers. They matter more than we sometimes realise. If you are ready to find a love built on what is really important, our Relationship Readiness Masterclass can guide you through defining and prioritising your values in the dating journey. True alignment in values leads to the strongest relationship.
Relationship Readiness Audit