Knowing what you want in a relationship is one thing; clearly communicating it to potential partners is another skill altogether. It can feel a bit daunting to speak up about your needs and hopes. nobody wants to scare off a great match by coming on “too strong.” But here is the truth: the right person will not be scared off by your honesty. In fact, they will appreciate it. Whether you are dating in a Back African community or navigating the Afro-Caribbean dating scene in the UK, being upfront in a kind way is usually refreshing.
How do you put clarity into action? Start by expressing your relationship goals early, but naturally. For example, if you are connecting with someone and things are going well, you might say something like, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you. Just so you know, I am looking for something serious and long-term. How about you?”
This invites a conversation. Or if a certain need is important to you say, you need a partner who communicates daily or you have boundaries around weekend time with family or church, you can mention it when the topic arises: “I usually reserve Sundays for family time, it is a tradition I value.”
The key is to communicate these things in a positive, matter-of-fact tone, not as an ultimatum or in a confrontational way. You are sharing about yourself and inviting them to do the same. This helps you both see if you are compatible in practical terms. If something is a non-negotiable for you, it is better to find out sooner rather than later if the other person can’t meet that need. To identify your own must-haves, check out Clarity for the Afro-Caribbean Single: Knowing Your Non-Negotiables in Love if you haven’t already.
Good communication also involves listening. Encourage your date or partner to share their needs and goals, too. Being a good listener when they open up builds trust. And if you find that what they want does not align with what you want, respect both of you enough to acknowledge it. It might mean parting ways, but that is better than forcing a relationship where one of you will be unhappy.
Remember, expressing your needs and desires is a form of self-respect. It sets the tone for honest, healthy communication in a potential relationship. No matter where you are from London to Lagos to Los Angeles clear communication is a universal ingredient for Black dating success. If you are eager to boost your communication skills and confidence, consider our Relationship Readiness Masterclass. Learning how to voice your needs effectively can bring you one step closer to the fulfilling relationship you seek.