What really matters to you in life and relationship? Answering this question is all about defining your core values. For Afro-Caribbean singles in the UK, core values might be influenced by both your Caribbean heritage and British upbringing.
Perhaps you grew up valuing tight-knit family bonds, community gatherings, and faith or maybe you have embraced more individualistic goals like career advancement and travel. There is no right or wrong values, but knowing yours is crucial. Your core values act as a compass, guiding you to partners who share your outlook and steering you away from those who don’t.
Discovering What Matters Most
Defining your values can be a reflective, even fun, exercise. Try these steps:
Reflect on upbringing: Think about the values your family and culture stressed. Was education non-negotiable? Respect for elders? Church every Sunday? Notice which of those still resonate with you and which you have outgrown.
Name your top five values: These could be broad concepts like honesty, loyalty, ambition, faith, family, health, creativity, financial stability, community, etc. Don’t worry, you can have more than five values, but prioritising helps you see which ones truly drive you.
Consider past conflicts: Conflicts in past relationships happen because of a values clash. Maybe you valued commitment but an ex valued freedom. Or you valued saving money while they valued living large and spending. Identifying these pain points can highlight what is non-negotiable for you.
Write a personal values statement: It might sound formal, but it is just a short note. For example: “I value honesty, family, and personal growth above all. I live by my faith and I believe in giving back to my community.” This statement is not for anyone else. It is for you. It solidifies your mindset.
Once you have named your values, use them in your dating life. Bring them up in conversations naturally. “My family is super important to me, we have Sunday dinners every week” or “I really value ambition and I’m always taking courses to improve myself”.
You will quickly sense if a potential partner aligns or clashes with what is important to you. It also helps in making tough decisions: if you are ever unsure about someone, revisit your core values list do they tick the boxes or throw up red flags?
Putting values first means you are dating smarter. It sets the foundation for respect and understanding. After all, it is a lot easier to build a life with someone when you agree on the big things that matter. We dive deeper into how shared values lead to stronger bonds in Shared Values, Stronger Bonds: How Core Values Shape Relationship Success.
So, before you get swept up by chemistry alone, take a moment to ground yourself in what you stand for. Your future self and future relationship will thank you.
If you need help figuring out if a potential match aligns with your values, try our Relationship Readiness Audit. It can highlight areas of compatibility and difference, so you date with clarity.
Relationship Readiness Audit