When it comes to love, some things you can compromise on. “He likes reggae and I prefer soca – we’ll live”, but other things are absolutely non-negotiable. “He doesn’t want kids and I definitely do – deal-breaker”. Knowing your must-haves and deal-breakers is a critical part of dating smart.It protects you from getting deep into a relationship only to find out something fundamental is wildly incompatible. For Afro-Caribbean singles, your non-negotiables might be influenced by cultural values maybe your partner must be okay with your big loud family or personal experiences, you refuse to tolerate infidelity because you have been burned before. Whatever they are, let’s pinpoint them clearly.Drawing Your Line in the SandStart by reflecting on what qualities or situations you absolutely cannot accept (deal-breakers), and those that you absolutely need (must-haves). To spark your thinking, here are common examples:Deal-Breaker examples: Dishonesty or cheating, disrespectful behaviour, unwillingness to work no ambition, substance abuse issues, completely different life goals e.g., you want marriage, they never do.Interestingly, some “small” things rank highly too a recent survey found bad hygiene was the #1 dating turn-off 32% of singles cited it, followed by lack of manners (25%). So yes, basic courtesy and cleanliness can make or break attraction.Must-Have examples: Aligned values e.g., you both value family or faith, good communication, mutual respect, emotional availability, and supportiveness. For many Afro-Caribbean folks, a must-have might be a partner who respects your culture whether that means they are willing to dance at Carnival with you or simply show interest in your background. Physical attraction and chemistry usually make the must-have list too let’s be real but remember looks cannot carry a relationship if the big stuff is not there.As you list these, try to keep it focused on core values and behaviours, not super specific surface details. “Must be six feet tall” or “Deal-breaker: does not like my favourite afro beats artist” might be preferences, but they are not core to a person’s character. Aim for things that truly impact long-term compatibility.Once your list is set, use it as your North Star in dating. You do not have to interrogate someone on date one but do pay attention over time. If a known deal-breaker shows up, say, you catch them lying, or they make fun of something important to you, have the courage to walk away that is your self-respect in action. Similarly, if you have must-haves like “a partner who communicates openly,” look for evidence of that quality early. Do they express their feelings, listen to you, resolve issues calmly?Your non-negotiables are deeply personal. One person’s deal-breaker might be another’s “not a big deal.” That is fine. What matters is that you know yours and stick to them. They exist to protect you and ensure you build a relationship on a foundation you can live with happily.And remember, many deal-breakers come directly from your core values. For instance, if loyalty is a core value, cheating is definitely a deal-breaker. If you need a refresher on identifying those, check out our earlier discussions on values. But if you are clear on your non-negotiables, you are already ahead of the game in the dating world.Feeling unsure about what should or should not be a deal-breaker? Consider our Relationship Readiness Masterclass, where we delve into understanding your values and boundaries so you date with confidence.Relationship Readiness Mini MasterclassTake the first step towards a fulfilling relationship. Our Relationship Readiness Mini Masterclass is a high-impact introduction to building healthy relationship habits and skills, tailored for the Afro-Caribbean community. Sign Up Now to start building the relationship you deserve.Read More