Do you ever look at happy couples and think, “They are so lucky to have found each other”? It is a common thought, especially if you have been through a divorce and feel like lightning will not strike twice. But the idea that love is all about luck is a myth. Finding “The One” has much more to do with your strategy and mindset than some random twist of fate.
Luck vs. Choice: Let us debunk the luck notion first. Sure, there is a bit of serendipity in who crosses our path. But what happens next is squarely in our hands. If love were pure luck, it would not matter what you did, yet research and real stories show that people who take certain approaches tend to find fulfilling relationships more often. It is like career success: someone might get a lucky job lead, but their preparation and effort land the job. In dating, chance might put someone in your orbit, but your readiness and choices determine if that turns into a great relationship.
The Problem with the “Luck” Mindset: Believing “it is all luck” can hold you back. It can lead to passive dating, like waiting for fate to deliver a person to your doorstep or on an app with minimal effort on your part. It can also make you overly picky or under-engaged: if you think a relationship is either “meant to be” or not, you might not invest in nurturing a promising connection through a rough patch. Even the best couples have moments where they choose to work through something rather than blaming destiny.
Strategy = Being Proactive and Intentional: So, what do we mean by strategy? It starts with knowing what you want and need (hint: if you did the clarity exercise in our Readiness Guide, you are ahead of the game). When you have a clear picture of the kind of partner and relationship you are looking for, you can be intentional in how you seek it. That means choosing the right avenues for example, if you value intellectual connection, perhaps attending lectures or joining a book club is a smarter strategy than swiping through an app focused on quick flings. If having a shared life outlook (like faith or parenting style) is key, you might focus on communities where those values gather (like a church group for single parents). A proactive dater does not just “hope” to bump into someone great; they put themselves in contexts to meet that someone.
Working on Yourself: Another strategic element is self-improvement. Think of it this way: you want a fantastic partner, right? So, strive to be a fantastic partner. That might mean working on communication skills, addressing any lingering bitterness from your divorce, or building a life you enjoy (hobbies, friends, purpose), which makes you more confident and interesting. People often misconstrue this advice, but it really can attract better matches. It is not superficial; it is you radiating a positive, growth-oriented vibe that like-minded people will respond to. On the flip side, if one were to skip self-work and rely on luck, they might subconsciously carry baggage that sabotages new relationships (e.g., mistrust or lack of confidence) and then blame “bad luck” when things fail. In truth, luck had nothing to do with it.
Stacking the Odds (Real Examples): We like to say, “Stack the odds in your favour.” What does that look like? It might be as simple as consistently dedicating time to dating. For example, Jane, 45 and divorced, treated finding a partner almost like a project (in a healthy way): she dedicated a few hours each week to social activities and online connections, she kept notes on what she learned after each date to refine what she looked for, and she periodically asked friends for feedback on her approach. Within six months, she met someone wonderful through a colleague’s dinner party was her luck. The introduction, perhaps, but it is because Jane had told her friend she was open to meeting new people (strategy!) that she got the invite. When they met, Jane’s openness and improved communication (skills she had been honing) helped that connection spark. In contrast, someone who sits back and just “wishes” for luck might decline invites, avoid apps, and then indeed never meet anyone new.
Playing the Numbers vs. Finding Quality: Being strategic also means focusing on quality interactions, not just quantity. It is not about going on 100 dates, hoping one sticks. It is about learning from each date, improving how you vet people, and spending time with those who show real potential. It might actually mean saying no to dates that your gut tells you are not a fit, freeing you to say yes when the right kind of person comes along. Think of it as curating your path: you can’t control who’s out there, but you can control where you look and whom you give your time and energy to.
Conclusion: While we cannot reduce love to an equation, we can confidently say it is not a lottery ticket you sit around hoping to win. It is more like a garden if you plant seeds (effort), tend to the soil (self-growth), and water it (maintain connections), you greatly increase your chances of a beautiful bloom. Yes, a bit of sunshine or rain (chance meetings) helps, but you have set the stage for growth. So, release the mindset of luck and embrace the mindset of choice. Every day, you can take a step, however small, toward the love you seek. That empowerment is far more exciting than waiting on fate, and it yields results. Your “One” is out there looking for you, too, and your strategic steps will help make sure you find each other when the time is right.
Call to Action: Tired of leaving your love life to chance? Take charge by downloading our free Relationship Readiness Guide (if you have not already) it is full of tips to help you date smarter, not harder. And join our upcoming Dating Masterclass where we share proven strategies to meet quality partners (no four-leaf clovers required!). Remember: your next chapter is in your hands. Let’s write it brilliantly.