Megan stared at her phone, bewildered. She had just received yet another one-line opener from a match that simply read, “hey sexy, you look hot.” She cringed; not only was it disrespectful, but the bar for effort was clearly in the basement. Meanwhile, her friend Alex was on the other side of town, rolling his eyes at a different scenario: he had sent a thoughtful first message commenting on a book mentioned in his match profile, only to get a reply two days later that was just a single emoji. The world of dating apps sometimes feels like the Wild West, but in truth, a little courtesy and respect can set you apart. Just as there are unspoken rules when meeting people in person, there is a code of conduct emerging for the online dating realm. Mastering this modern etiquette can mean the difference between a match that fizzles out and one that flourishes into something real.
Let’s break down some Dos and Don’ts of dating app behaviour, as illustrated by what Megan, Alex, and many others have learned along the way:
Dos:
- Start with a friendly, personal greeting: A simple “Hi Megan, I noticed you love hiking. Have you been to any trails around here lately?” beats a generic “hey” any day. Using someone’s name and referencing something from their profile shows you are genuinely interested and that you have taken a moment to read about them. It is polite and instantly makes your message stand out.
- Be honest and clear in your profile: Good etiquette starts before the first message. Represent yourself truthfully, recent photos, and accurate info about your age/height/intentions. If you are looking for a relationship (or just something casual), say so in a tactful way. Being upfront is respectful to potential matches, so no one feels misled.
- Reply in a reasonable time frame: You do not have to be glued to the app, but leaving someone hanging for a week is not cool once you are in a conversation. If you are busy or not feeling the chat, it is better to send a brief note rather than ghost (e.g., “Hey, this week is hectic, but I will reply when I can!”). Timely and considerate communication shows you value the person’s time and interest.
- Compliment respectfully: It is great to tell someone you find them attractive or that their profile made you smile. Just keep compliments respectful and not overly focused on physical appearance, especially in the beginning. Saying “You have a great smile in your photos, you look like a fun person to be around” comes off far better than comments that are too intense or crude.
- Move off the app at a comfortable pace: If you are hitting it off, suggest moving to a phone call or meeting up in person (or a video date) after a reasonable amount of chatting. It shows you are serious about getting to know them. But also, be understanding if they want to stay on the app a bit longer or feel safer that way. It is courteous to check in: “I would like to keep talking, maybe even over a coffee soon. No rush if you prefer to chat here a bit more first.”
Don’ts:
- Don’t spam or nag for responses: Double messaging repeatedly (“???” or “Helloooo?”) if someone has not replied yet is a turn-off. Everyone has lives outside the app. If they haven’t replied in a day or two, it is okay to send one polite follow-up up but then let it be. Bombarding someone will likely push them away.
- Don’t start with explicit or overly forward comments: Sadly, many have experienced what Megan did, inappropriate openers or unsolicited sexual comments right off the bat. Not only is it disrespectful, but it is also a surefire way to get ignored or reported. Save flirty or intimate talk for when you know each other better and have established mutual interests.
- Do not copy-paste messages to everyone: It might seem efficient to send a generic “Hey, how is it going?” to 20 people, but it is obvious when a message is not personalised. It tells the recipient they are just one of many; nobody likes feeling like an item on a checklist. Take a few moments to tailor your message to each match. Quality over quantity wins here.
- Do not ghost or breadcrumb: Ghosting (disappearing) and breadcrumbing (sending occasional lukewarm messages to keep someone hanging) are painful behaviours to be on the receiving end of. If you are not interested, you do not have to concoct a long explanation; a short, polite message is enough. For example, “I enjoyed talking with you, but I do not feel a strong romantic connection. All the best!” goes a long way in closing things respectfully.
- Do not overshare too soon: While honesty is good, treating a first chat like a therapy session or grilling your match with 50 questions can be overwhelming. Avoid dumping all your past relationship trauma or asking very personal questions immediately. Good etiquette is about making the other person comfortable. Share a little, build trust, and let deeper conversations unfold naturally over time.
By following these guidelines, Megan began seeing much better results from genuine conversations instead of crude one-liners. Alex, too, realised that rather than fume at one-word replies, he could simply move on politely from those who were not meeting him halfway. Etiquette in dating apps is just about treating others as people, not pixels. A little politeness and empathy can restore humanity in online dating and create space for real connections. Call to Action: Next time you fire up your dating app, challenge yourself to put one “Do” and one “Do not” from this list into practice. Maybe it is crafting a more personal first message or resisting the urge to ghost by sending a considerate note instead. The more we all infuse kindness and respect into online dating, the more rewarding the experience will be for everyone, including you, the modern romantic forging connections one swipe at a time.