Avery’s heart was pounding as she sat in her car, parked outside the café where she was about to meet Jonah, a guy she had been talking to on a dating app for three weeks. In the virtual chats, Jonah was funny, thoughtful, and easy to talk to. But now, moments away from meeting face to face, Avery was overcome with first date jitters. What if I say something awkward? What if there is an uncomfortable silence? What if he does not find me attractive in person? The spiral of self-doubt was in full swing. She even considered, for a split second, texting an excuse to cancel. But Avery reminded herself that she made a promise this year to be braver in putting herself out there. With a deep breath, she stepped out of the car, smoothed her shirt, and walked into the café.
Five minutes in, Avery realised something amazing: Jonah was just as nervous as she was. He admitted with a laugh that he had spent 10 minutes practising how to say hello. Instantly, the ice was broken. They both relaxed a little, and those awkward silences she feared. They turned out to be brief pauses where they sipped coffee and smiled, gathering the next question to ask. The date was not perfect like a rom-com script at one point. Avery knocked over her water glass, and Jonah stumbled on a joke that did not land, but it was genuine. By the end of the hour, they were both laughing comfortably, and Jonah asked if she would like to take a walk in the park nearby. Avery’s jitters had transformed into excitement.
Feeling nervous before a first date, especially with someone you met online, is completely normal. You want to make a good impression, and the unknowns can be scary. But as Avery learned, those butterflies can be managed (and even turned into positive energy). Here are some tips to boost your confidence and beat the first date nerves:
- Remind yourself: they are just a person too. It is easy to build up an ideal image of your match or to feel you must perform. In reality, Jonah was likely as worried about impressing Avery as vice versa. Remember that your date is human with their own flaws, insecurities, and hopes. This perspective can ease the pressure to be “perfect.” They agreed to meet you, so they are interested enough already; you do not have to put on a show.
- Do a little prep, but not too much: It can help to review your match profile or re-read some of your message exchanges to recall things you have talked about. Maybe prepare a couple of easy topics or questions (about their favourite travel spots, how their recent project went, etc.) as conversation starters. Having these in your back pocket can calm the fear of “What will we talk about?” However, do not over-rehearse or script things; you want the conversation to flow naturally, not feel like an interview.
- Dress in what makes you feel good: Wear something comfortable that also makes you feel confident. If that is jeans and a nice tee, great. If it is a favourite dress or sharp button-down, go for it. The key is to feel like your best self. When you feel good in your skin (and clothes), it boosts your confidence, and you will project positive vibes. Also, small tip: if worrying about a detail (like bad breath) makes you anxious, address it (bring a mint). Little preparation can reduce background worries.
- Keep the first date simple and low-pressure: opt for a casual first meeting like coffee, a walk, or a quick lunch. Knowing that you have not committed to a three-course dinner can alleviate anxiety. You have an easy escape if needed (“I have an appointment later, so I can only stay an hour” is a fine preset boundary). Often, just knowing you have an exit plan can calm your nerves, and ironically, when you are more relaxed, you likely will not feel the need to use it.
- Use calming techniques before you meet: In the hour before the date, do what relaxes you. That could be listening to your favourite upbeat playlist and singing along. Or a quick meditation or deep breathing exercise to centre yourself. Some people do power poses (yes, standing like Superman in the mirror and telling yourself, “You got this!” can pump you up). Avery took a few deep breaths in the car and reminded herself that no matter how it goes, she had been proud for showing up. That self pep talk helped put her in a confident mindset.
When you walk into that date, remember that confidence is not about feeling zero fear, it is about forging ahead despite the nerves because you know you are worth getting to know. Avery and Jonah’s date turned into a second date, then a third, and each time the nervousness diminished, replaced by familiarity and excitement. But even if that first date had not gone anywhere, Avery gained something valuable: proof that she can face her fears and be okay. You can too. Call to Action: Got a first date lined up? Instead of letting the jitters derail you, pick two of the above tips to try. Maybe lay out an outfit that makes you feel fantastic and practice a few calming breaths. Give yourself credit for being courageous enough to put yourself out there. With each date, you will grow more confident. Go get them you might just have a great time!