When Carlos, a 38-year-old single dad, first thought about dipping his toes back into the dating pool, he felt overwhelmed. Between juggling a full-time job and caring for his two kids (ages 8 and 5), his free time was almost nonexistent. The idea of swiping through profiles after the kid’s bedtime or finding a sitter just to go on a mediocre date seemed daunting. He also worried: Who would even want to date a guy with kids? Would potential matches see his adorable daughters as a burden? With encouragement from a friend, Carlos set up a profile on a dating app, being upfront about being a proud father. What he discovered was surprising: there were plenty of single moms and dads out there like him, and even people without kids who were open to partners with children. Still, the journey was not easy. One promising match fizzled out after the third date when scheduling time together became too tricky. Another match told him bluntly she was not up for “the whole kids thing.” It stung, but Carlos learned to navigate through these ups and downs.
Dating as a single parent is a different ballgame, but with some strategies and a positive mindset, it can be rewarding. Here is how Carlos and other busy single parents make online dating work:
- Embrace your reality and be upfront: Carlos made sure his profile clearly mentioned that he has children, including a smiling photo of him piggybacking his girls at the park. This was not to centre his dating life around his kids, but to ensure anyone reaching out knew that package deal upfront. Being honest about being a parent will filter in those who are accepting (or even excited) about it and filter out those who are not, saving you time and potential heartache.
- Choose the right platform and settings: Some dating apps cater more to serious relationships or have filters for people with/without kids. Use those filters to your advantage. Also, set your preferences to find matches in a compatible age range or life stage. Fellow single parents or people who express interest in family tend to “get it” more. Carlos found that once he switched to an app known for attracting more mature professionals, he encountered more understanding matches than on the more hookup-oriented app he first tried.
- Get creative (and efficient) with time: Your time is precious. Embrace phone calls or video chats as initial screenings so you do not have to arrange childcare for every first date. A 20-minute chat after the kids are asleep can save you hours on a dead-end in-person meeting. When you do go out, try coffee or lunch dates during work breaks, or early evening meetups that do not keep you out late. And when you find someone you like, perhaps involve them in your world creatively, for instance, Carlos, on a later date, invited a match to a weekend morning walk in the park (after his kids were with their mom). It was short, sweet, and did not infringe on his parenting duties.
- Set boundaries and communicate them: It is okay to let your matches know that your availability is limited. You might say, “I typically keep weeknights for my kids, but I am free on Saturday afternoons.” By setting these expectations, you avoid misunderstandings. Most people will appreciate your dedication to your children; it shows responsibility. If someone reacts poorly to reasonable boundaries, that is a red flag; they might not be a good fit for a life that includes kids.
- Don’t feel guilty for dating; you deserve adult time. Many single parents struggle with guilt, worrying that dating is taking away from parenting. In truth, taking care of your happiness will only benefit your kids in the long run. It is healthy for children to see their parents pursuing a fulfilling life (plus, one day they will grow up, and you deserve companionship!). Carlos sometimes felt bad leaving his girls with a sitter, but he reminded himself that having a loving partner could eventually make their family life even richer. He also balanced things by not dating every night, maybe one outing every week or two, so most of his free time was still family time.
Through trial and error, Carlos eventually met Marisol, a woman who understood his schedule because she had a 10-year-old son. They took things slow, playdates in the park with all the kids happen only after months of dating, but their bond grew strong on the foundation of mutual respect and understanding. Whether you match with another parent or someone child-free, the right person will respect your role as a parent and the limitations and joys that come with it. Call to Action: If you are a single parent thinking about online dating, do not let fear or guilt stop you. Start by ensuring your profile reflects your proud parent status and set one small goal: maybe send a message to a fellow single parent or arrange a 15-minute video chat with a match during your next quiet evening. You can find love again without sacrificing your children’s well-being; it just takes a bit of strategy and a lot of heart. You have got this, supermom or super dad!