Late one evening, Tasha, a 28 year old Black consultant in Chicago, stares at a message from a new match that makes her uneasy. It is nothing overtly hateful, but the tone feels off a subtle stereotype slipped in as a “joke.” She is reminded that while dating apps offer opportunities, they also expose Black professionals to uncomfortable and sometimes unsafe situations. For users like Tasha, staying safe means guarding not just physical wellbeing, but emotional and cultural wellbeing too. Here is a guide on navigating dating apps securely, with tips especially relevant for Black singles.
- Protect Your Personal Information
On dating apps, maintain boundaries with personal data. Use the app’s messaging platform rather than giving out your phone number immediately. Consider using a nickname or your first name only on your profile. Tasha, for example, does not reveal her workplace or last name on her profile she shares that information only after building trust. It is an unfortunate reality that Black professionals, especially women, may face doxxing or harassment in online spaces; anonymity at the early stages is a sensible shield.
Also, be wary of anyone asking for financial help or overly personal details early on classic red flags. Scammers target everyone, but there have been cases of romance scams that prey on successful professionals. Keep your guard up and remember: a legitimate match will respect your caution.
- Be Aware of Racial Fetishisation and Bias
While using dating apps, many Black professionals encounter the subtle (or not so subtle) spectre of racial bias. It might be in swipes that never come, or in awkward comments in messages. Surveys confirm these experiences are widespread 33% of Black women in one survey reported being fetishised or discriminated against on dating apps. Tasha has seen everything from backhanded compliments about her skin tone to questions that make her feel like an exotic exhibit.
To stay emotionally safe:
- Trust your gut: If a comment feels fetishising (“I have always wanted to date a Black [man/woman]” or “You are pretty for a Black girl”), you have every right to unmatch or block. You are not obligated to “educate” someone who reveals bias; your mental comfort comes first.
- Set conversational boundaries: It is perfectly fine to steer conversations away from topics that make you uncomfortable, or to explicitly say, “That comment does not sit right with me.” How they respond will be telling. A worthy match will apologise and do better, a bad actor will get defensive or double down (in which case, goodbye!).
- Report and Block: Dating apps like Bumble and Hinge have policies against hate speech and harassment, so use the report functions. By reporting offenders, you are not only protecting yourself, but also helping make the space safer for others.
- Leverage App Safety Features
Modern dating apps introduce features to enhance user safety:
- Photo Verification: Apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble allow you to verify your profile photo by taking real time selfies. This reduces the chance of catfishing. Tasha only seriously engages with matches who have that little “verified” badge, as it is one layer of authenticity.
- Video and Voice Calls: Use in app video or voice call features before meeting in person. A quick video chat can confirm the person is who they claim and also gives a better read on their vibe. Many Black professionals find this step crucial; it can also screen for potential red flags (How do they react when you mention something related to your culture or job? Do they respect your time?).
- Incognito/Private Modes: Some apps offer incognito modes where your profile is hidden unless you swipe right on someone first. If you are a high profile professional or just value privacy, this can be useful so only people you’ve vetted can see you.
- Safe Meeting Practices
When it is time to meet offline, follow standard safety protocols with an extra layer of cultural awareness:
- Meet in Public, inform a Friend: Always choose a public location for first dates, a cafe or restaurant in a familiar area. Let a friend or two know where you will be and who you are meeting (share the person profile or name). Tasha has a friend who is her “date buddy” They share live locations via phone and check in with a code word mid date by text.
- Transportation Control: If possible, arrange your own transportation. Driving yourself or using a rideshare means you can leave on your own schedule. Accepting an offer to pick you up might seem chivalrous, but it gives too much control to someone you barely know.
- Stay Sober & Alert: Enjoy yourself, but moderate alcohol on first meetups. You want to keep a clear head. Sadly, there are reports of Black women being targeted on dates for ill intentions, so vigilance is key.
- Emotional Safety and Support
Navigating dating apps as a Black professional can at times be emotionally draining. It is important to safeguard your mental health:
- Curate Your Feed: If an app consistently feeds you matches that make you uncomfortable (whether due to biased individuals or incompatible values), consider switching apps or adjusting your preferences. Some Black daters prefer apps with a higher Black user base (like BLK or BlackGentry) to minimise negative racial encounters and feel a greater sense of community.
- Lean on Communities: Engage in forums or groups for Black professionals in the dating scene. Hearing other experiences, successes, and horror stories alike reminds you are not alone. For instance, online communities or subreddits share tips on dealing with everything from microaggressions to ghosting. There is solidarity and advice available.
- Do not Internalise Rejection or Bias: This one is tough, but remember that if someone passes you by because of ignorant biases, that is their flaw, not yours. As one OkCupid study highlighted, societal biases can affect messaging rates, but those statistics are not a reflection of your worth. Quality individuals who appreciate you are out there.
By staying vigilant and using both high tech tools and old-fashioned common sense, Black professionals like Tasha can navigate dating apps with confidence and security. The goal is to open your heart to new connections without opening yourself to harm. With these precautions, you can swipe, chat, and meet knowing you’ve put safety first every step of the way.
Call to Action: Empower yourself with even more safety strategies and smart dating moves. Sign up for our Dating Safety Masterclass, where we delve into real scenarios and expert tips on secure, confident dating for Black professionals. Your safety and happiness in love are worth it!
Sources: news.sky.com