Kevin’s first few months on dating apps were, in his words, “like performing a character.” He used a profile picture from ten years and 20 pounds ago, claimed he was “an avid reader” (he skimmed one article a month), and hid the fact that he had a young son fearing those truths would limit his matches. Sure enough, he got plenty of initial interest, but things always fell apart on the first date. One woman was visibly surprised that he looked older and different than his photo; another felt blindsided that he had not mentioned his child sooner. After these frustrating misfires, Kevin decided to risk being 100% himself. He updated his profile with recent photos (dad bod and all), mentioned his son and what he loved about fatherhood, and spoke honestly about his actual hobbies (hello, fantasy football). The number of matches he got initially went down, but the quality went way up. He soon connected with Marisol, who said his authenticity in his profile caught her eye. They have been happily dating for several months, with no big secrets left to spill.
Being authentic might seem scary in a curated online world, but it is the foundation of lasting connections. Remember, over half of online daters suspect others of dishonesty (with good reason, since 53% admit to fibbing on profiles). But those half-truths and touched up photos only lead to disappointment when you meet in person. Research on couples who met online found that nearly all successful pairs felt their partner lived up to (or surpassed) their profile portrayal because they were genuine from the start. Authenticity acts like a filter of its own: it might narrow your options a bit, but the people you do match with will appreciate the real you.
How to Be Authentically You Online:
- Use Real Photos: Post images that actually look like you now. Skip the heavy filters. You want your date to recognise and be delighted by the real you, not confused or let down.
- Speak Your Truth (Kindly): When describing yourself, mention what truly matters to you, your loves, your quirks, even the challenges you are proud to have overcome. Do not pretend to adore hiking if you really hate it; your perfect match might be the one who also prefers cosy nights in.
- Own Your Story: If you have children, an unusual job, or anything important in your life, do not hide it. You do not have to spill everything in the first message, but being upfront in your profile about key aspects of your life will attract someone who respects and shares your reality.
Call to Action: Take a moment to audit your profile or your chat persona. Are you presenting yourself as you truly are? If there is anything that feels like a stretch of the truth, consider adjusting it. By being brave enough to be authentic, you are inviting the kind of honest, meaningful connection that really lasts.
Sources: datingnews.com, psychologytoday.com