When Lina signed up for a matchmaking service, she realised she was stepping into unfamiliar territory. Unlike downloading an app and making a profile in 15 minutes, this felt more like joining an elite club, one that required an initiation of sorts. She was nervous walking into her first meeting with her matchmaker, Marisol. What if I say the wrong thing? Can they really find someone for me? To her surprise, the initial consultation felt comfortable, like a long conversation with a mentor or friend. Marisol asked about Lina life story, her dreams, her dealbreakers, even her favourite memories. It was clear that matchmaking is a process, and Lina was curious (and a bit impatient) about what would happen next behind the scenes.
If you are considering a professional matchmaker, here is a peek at what to expect from start to finish:
- In depth intake and profiling: Expect your matchmaker to really get to know you. This often means filling out detailed questionnaires and having one or more lengthy interviews. They will want to know your relationship goals (marriage? companionship? not sure yet?), your values, interests, personality traits, past relationship patterns, and what you are looking for in a partner. Be honest and thorough, this profile is the foundation for any matches they will make. Lina was surprised at questions like “What did you learn from your last relationship?” and “Describe your communication style,” but she realised these details help the matchmaker understand her emotional needs, not just her surface preferences.
- Match searching and vetting: After the initial profiling, there may be a bit of a wait. Matchmakers often have a roster of clients and an extended network. They go to work thinking of who in their database (or sometimes outside it) could be a compatible match for you. They might interview or screen potential matches, check basics like relationship readiness and background, and ensure mutual interest on general terms. It is like having a personal HR department for your love life; they do the resume matching and initial reference checks, so to speak. This means by the time you are introduced to someone, you can trust that some crucial boxes are already ticked (for example, if you only want to date someone who eventually wants kids, they will make sure any match presented agrees on that).
- Introduction: How it happens: Different services have different methods. Some will share profiles or a bio of the match with you first (as happened with Lina, she got to read a little about a potential match before saying yes). Others might set up a brief phone call or just go straight to arranging an in person date without too much preamble, to encourage an open mind. It is normal to feel butterflies – it is a blind date, but one with thought behind it. Lina matchmaker gave her some info about her first match (he was a 37 year old architect who loved hiking, among other things) and, with both parties agreement, exchanged their phone numbers to set up a date.
- Feedback and follow up: One unique aspect of matchmaking is the feedback loop. After your date, your matchmaker will likely touch base with you to hear how it went. They will often get the other person feedback too. This can be incredibly insightful. Maybe you thought you totally bombed the date because you were nervous, but the feedback from your match is that they found your nervous laugh adorable and want to see you again. Or perhaps you sensed hesitation from your match; the feedback might reveal they did like you but felt you were a bit guarded, something you can work on. The matchmaker acts as a go between and coach, helping refine further match attempts or facilitating second dates if it went well. Lina appreciated that after her first date, which did not spark romance, Marisol discussed it with her. Turns out the match felt a friendly vibe but not a romantic one, exactly what Lina felt too. Knowing that mutual perspective helped Lina stay confident; it was not rejection, just a neutral mismatch.
- Adjustments and ongoing matchmaking: It is rare to strike gold on the very first match (though it can happen!). More often, matchmaking is a journey that involves meeting a few people. With each introduction, the matchmaker learns more about what truly clicks or does not for you. Maybe you said you wanted a super extroverted partner, but then you found yourself really enjoying the company of a quieter match the matchmaker will take note and perhaps broaden the search. You can usually give input too: “Hey, I realised I actually do not mind if he is a bit shorter than me, but I do care that he is in a stable career because that reflects ambition, which I find attractive.” Such insights are gold for your matchmaker. It’s a collaborative process.
From the client side, patience and communication are key. Lina had to remind herself that matchmakers are not magicians who pluck your soulmate out of a hat the day after you sign up. It took a few months and a few dates for her to finally meet someone who had that “spark”, and even then, relationships take time to grow. But she felt at ease knowing what was happening at each step and that Marisol was in her corner, tweaking the approach as needed.
Call to Action: If you are thinking about using a matchmaking service, try this: write down three things you’d want a matchmaker to really understand about you (your core values or must haves). These will likely come up in an intake session. Also, prepare yourself to trust the process. Matchmaking can feel like a leap of faith, but now that you know what goes on behind the scenes, you can walk in with more confidence. Remember, the goal of the matchmaker is your goal too, finding you a meaningful connection, so all those steps are setting the stage for potentially one of the most important meetings of your life.