Black dating is full of possibilities and pitfalls. If you are a Black single in the US who is tired of aimless dates and mixed signals, it might be time to embrace dating with intention. What does that mean?
Simply put, it is about being clear with yourself and others that you are looking for a meaningful connection and eventually commitment rather than just going with the flow. It is a mindset shift that can save you time and heartache.
Intentional dating starts with knowing what you want. Maybe you have done some soul-searching. Perhaps even something like a vision board or journaling about your ideal relationship. As we covered in “Clarity: Defining What You Want in Your Afro-Caribbean Love Journey”, getting clear on your goals is step one.
Once you have that clarity, the next part is communicating it. Now, you don’t need to roll out your life plan on a first date, that can be overwhelming. But you can drop hints about your priorities. For example, mentioning “I really value honesty and I am close with my family” sends a message about who you are and what you expect.
Another aspect of intentional dating is recognising when someone is not on the same page. If you are seeking a serious relationship and the person you are seeing dodges any conversation about the future or refers to everything as “casual,” take note. It might mean they are not ready or interested in the commitment you have in mind. And that is okay. Better to know early than to stick it out and hope they will change. In our UK-focused article on clarity “Clarity in the UK Dating Scene: Dating with Purpose for Afro-Caribbean Singles”, we show that being upfront about your intentions can actually be refreshing for the right person. The same holds true here in the U.S.: the right person for you will appreciate and match your honesty.
Lastly, don’t forget to walk the walk. If you say you are looking for commitment, align your actions with that. That could mean being selective about who you date, not spending too much energy on people who are not meeting you halfway, and continuing to work on yourself, like building that communication muscle or reinforcing your core values.
If you are unsure whether you are fully prepared for the commitment you seek, a Relationship Readiness Audit can give you some insight and confidence. Dating with intention is all about mindset and follow-through with both in place, you are much more likely to find a relationship that fulfils you.
Relationship Readiness Audit